Fake Love

There is a voice that tells me that you do not love me anymore.
I ignore it because I know better…
I know myself more than anyone knows me.
I learn to ignore the voice and I go on a wild journey with you.
We fly and we sing along with the love songs on radio.
We do all the things that lovers do.
I ask you again and again if you love me,
And you gaze into my rusty brown eyes and tell me you
Love me, more than you have ever loved anything in your life.

We walk the streets and you make me try on rings
Embedded with heavy precious stones.
You kiss my brow and warm my earlobes with your whispers,
I AM in love.

I adore you with my every breath and I give essential parts
Of me to you.
You accept my gifts and make a beautiful mat from them.
You place it in a beautiful part of your house and I love seeing it there.
I become one with you and your sweet tendencies.
I like the way you smell.
I love the way you feel when I sneak up on you in bed after a shower.
I love the way your cheek feels on me.
I love the glimmer of your teeth when I say something you like.

And then I wake up one day and learn that I am a phantom in your life.
I am just another guy with dreadlocks.
I am a well that you only come to drink from when you are thirsty.
Please help me find the button to switch off my feelings for you like you switched yours off.
I need to find that place of “the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind”.

It hurts to love you and just be a fading mist in an atomic explosion tree of sex partners.
I know I am worth more than that.
I know that someday a loving face will turn towards me and never turn away.
There is a heart out there yearning to be loved the way I yearn to love.
What I do know for sure is that I am done with looking for it.
It will have to find me this time.

Frank Malaba © 2009